Live dangerously, that's what I say. I discovered how dangerously I was living when I entered my room in Wellington, New Zealand and read the notices on the back of the door.
"In case of fire exit the building..."; So far so good.
And next to it "In case of earthquake, don't run out of the building.."; OK, this was more difficult. My first reaction was what do I do if there is both fire and earthquake (as in all the best Hollywood movies). I assumed that what I was to do was to run around in circles, but decided to read further.
"In case of earthquake, duck under the nearest table..". I looked at the table in the room; the 3 foot wide, 2 foot deep desk built into the room looked smugly back at me. I calculated my chances of fitting under the desk and it protecting me; I decided to look for more reasonable protection. The bed had a three inch gap under it, which I decided was not sufficient to squeeze into. The cupboard in the room looked more promising, except the instructions were "do NOT get into cupboards".
It's just as well there wasn't an earthquake whilst I was there.
Mind you, I noted with interest that the New Zealand Government had sited its Parliament building slap bang on top of an earthquake fault line, which must give a new meaning to the headlines "there was a disturbance in the house".
At least I'm safe now. I'm in Auckland. I haven't seen any notices about earthquakes. Nick has, however, pointed out the various recent volcanoes dotted around the place. Various surveys point out that there is a good chance of another volcano emerging in the area in the future.
Life could get fun out here.
Friday, June 21, 2002
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Not another bloody whale
The reason for coming to New Zealand was twofold
We celebrated Sue's birthday earlier this month, and a good time was had by all.
On Monday it was the turn of the whales.
First a bit of geography
No, no, don't go to sleep, this will only take a minute.
At Kaikora the continental shelf comes close to the shore in the form of an underwater fiord. This is deep enough for whales to live, and this is the case - several whales throughout the year and I believe it is also the breeding ground for some whales.
Kaikora used to be a whaling town, but now there is a company that runs sightseeing tours to view the whales, and I bet it's a lot more lucrative.
We started at 10:00am. There was some doubt as to whether the tour would go ahead as there was some wind offshore - apparently if it gets too rough then the customers get sea sick, so the tour is geared to conditions that ensure that the customers aren't going to redecorate the boat with last nights meal/the morning's breakfast.
First of all there was a video (this is a whale, this is a lifejacket; you wear one and take photos of the other).
Then we were bussed off to the south harbour where the tour was to begin. The harbour scarcely deserves the name - the boat itself is boarded on the dock where it is sitting in a kind of trolley, and then the boat is pushed down a ramp into the sea.
We then made our way out to sea. The sea swell was moderate but not a problem, although certain members of the group started clutching their paper bags; I can see why they might have problems if it got rough, which is a pity, because being on a boat is a bit like being on one of these roller coasters, and a lot more fun.
Once we got to deep water we almost immediately saw our first sperm whale (so called because of the white sticky stuff they found in the head of the whale - if you don't know what I'm talking about go and ask your father).
Basically the whale browses along the surface for about 10 minutes then dives; so what you get is a photo of something that is sure to come out looking like a rock, followed by a photo of the whale's backside as it dives; the whale stays down for between 45 minutes to an hour. So, the system is to watch the whale until it dives, then move on to the next one.
We did this five times.
There was a bit of entertainment when we were joined by two guys in a motorised dinghy who were from the Otago University and were studying the whale. The guide on our boat tool great delight in pointing out that the whale that they had decided to follow did NOT like boats sitting on it's tail - our own captain had moved off to the side. The whale kept raising its head out the water - a sure sign of irritability. Given the fact that the sperm whale is not vegetarian and has a nice set of teeth and can be belligerent we readied our cameras, but regrettably the whale dived instead of rending the dinghy and it's occupants to pieces, which would have been a nice photo.
After about 2.5 hours at sea we made our way back to harbour, passing a few dolphins and a rock full of seals on the way.
All well worth it.
- To celebrate my sister's 50th birthday 'cause I forgot her 40th
- To see the whales at Kaikora
We celebrated Sue's birthday earlier this month, and a good time was had by all.
On Monday it was the turn of the whales.
First a bit of geography
No, no, don't go to sleep, this will only take a minute.
At Kaikora the continental shelf comes close to the shore in the form of an underwater fiord. This is deep enough for whales to live, and this is the case - several whales throughout the year and I believe it is also the breeding ground for some whales.
Kaikora used to be a whaling town, but now there is a company that runs sightseeing tours to view the whales, and I bet it's a lot more lucrative.
We started at 10:00am. There was some doubt as to whether the tour would go ahead as there was some wind offshore - apparently if it gets too rough then the customers get sea sick, so the tour is geared to conditions that ensure that the customers aren't going to redecorate the boat with last nights meal/the morning's breakfast.
First of all there was a video (this is a whale, this is a lifejacket; you wear one and take photos of the other).
Then we were bussed off to the south harbour where the tour was to begin. The harbour scarcely deserves the name - the boat itself is boarded on the dock where it is sitting in a kind of trolley, and then the boat is pushed down a ramp into the sea.
We then made our way out to sea. The sea swell was moderate but not a problem, although certain members of the group started clutching their paper bags; I can see why they might have problems if it got rough, which is a pity, because being on a boat is a bit like being on one of these roller coasters, and a lot more fun.
Once we got to deep water we almost immediately saw our first sperm whale (so called because of the white sticky stuff they found in the head of the whale - if you don't know what I'm talking about go and ask your father).
Basically the whale browses along the surface for about 10 minutes then dives; so what you get is a photo of something that is sure to come out looking like a rock, followed by a photo of the whale's backside as it dives; the whale stays down for between 45 minutes to an hour. So, the system is to watch the whale until it dives, then move on to the next one.
We did this five times.
There was a bit of entertainment when we were joined by two guys in a motorised dinghy who were from the Otago University and were studying the whale. The guide on our boat tool great delight in pointing out that the whale that they had decided to follow did NOT like boats sitting on it's tail - our own captain had moved off to the side. The whale kept raising its head out the water - a sure sign of irritability. Given the fact that the sperm whale is not vegetarian and has a nice set of teeth and can be belligerent we readied our cameras, but regrettably the whale dived instead of rending the dinghy and it's occupants to pieces, which would have been a nice photo.
After about 2.5 hours at sea we made our way back to harbour, passing a few dolphins and a rock full of seals on the way.
All well worth it.
Sunday, June 16, 2002
Ear piercing
No, not the puncturing of parts of the anatomy; it's what you get when you go and watch the Japanese/Tunisia match in one of the local New Zealand bars.
Now I have to point out a bit of background;
The bar in question is a sports bar; it has a cinema like projection screen and terraced viewing platforms. It can hold 200 people.
Most of them were Japanese.
and female (vocally, at least)
I arrived shortly after the game began (I thought I was going for a quiet night at the pub, but plans change); the place was full of people waving enthusiastically at the screen. I bought my beer (surprisingly enough, the bar itself was NOT busy) and worked my way into a corner at the back, on the basis that if I stood anywhere else I would block someone's view, and I could look over the heads of most of the crowd.
Then I wished I'd bought ear plugs.
There is obviously the equivalent of David Beckham in the Japanese team, because every time the bald left winger got the ball the place would erupt into screams - and that was just the guys (I joke). One girl jumped onto a table and started waving here hands at the screen. I doubt the player could see her, but she did it none the less. Mind you, I suppose it's the same as me shouting at the TV 'Come on Owen, hit the b****y ball into the goal', which happened quite a bit last night. He heard me as well.
The screams would be alternated with chants of 'I'm a martian, would you ... etc' (see previous posting), but which I gradually translated into 'Nip-pon, Nip-pon', and then the bald headed bloke would get the ball and the girl on the table would remove her top and wave it at the screen ( or something like that; I thought the Japanese were supposed to be inscrutable).
I left before the end of the game; my ear drums couldn't stand it.
Now I have to point out a bit of background;
The bar in question is a sports bar; it has a cinema like projection screen and terraced viewing platforms. It can hold 200 people.
Most of them were Japanese.
and female (vocally, at least)
I arrived shortly after the game began (I thought I was going for a quiet night at the pub, but plans change); the place was full of people waving enthusiastically at the screen. I bought my beer (surprisingly enough, the bar itself was NOT busy) and worked my way into a corner at the back, on the basis that if I stood anywhere else I would block someone's view, and I could look over the heads of most of the crowd.
Then I wished I'd bought ear plugs.
There is obviously the equivalent of David Beckham in the Japanese team, because every time the bald left winger got the ball the place would erupt into screams - and that was just the guys (I joke). One girl jumped onto a table and started waving here hands at the screen. I doubt the player could see her, but she did it none the less. Mind you, I suppose it's the same as me shouting at the TV 'Come on Owen, hit the b****y ball into the goal', which happened quite a bit last night. He heard me as well.
The screams would be alternated with chants of 'I'm a martian, would you ... etc' (see previous posting), but which I gradually translated into 'Nip-pon, Nip-pon', and then the bald headed bloke would get the ball and the girl on the table would remove her top and wave it at the screen ( or something like that; I thought the Japanese were supposed to be inscrutable).
I left before the end of the game; my ear drums couldn't stand it.
Tuesday, June 04, 2002
Do-you-speak-English?
One of the problems traveling in foreign parts is getting used to the language.
New Zealand is no exception.
The combination of the New Zealand accent and my hearing means that every sentence comes out like "I am a Martian, would you like to have sex with me"
There are several response to this
At least, I hope that's what he's asking me.
New Zealand is no exception.
The combination of the New Zealand accent and my hearing means that every sentence comes out like "I am a Martian, would you like to have sex with me"
There are several response to this
- "I'm sorry, I'm already in a relationship and anyway, I don't know how Martians have sex". This usually results in the local psychiatric hospital being called and you being carried away in one of those white coats with wrap around arms
- "Yes". Depending on what the real question was, you could end up with some weird sauce on your chips, the special of the day (fried lamb giblets with eyeball surprise), a police fine for loitering without intent or a smacking kiss from a transvestite.
- "No". Depending what the real question was, you could get a smack around the chops for rudeness, a long argument on how the weather IS really quite good for this time of year, no extra beans with your giblets or being fried by a plasma weapon for causing an interplanetary incident
- "Pardon?". The question is usually repeated in Venusuvian.
- "I'm sorry, you have a weird accent, can you repeat that". This, though true, usually gets you full marks for rudeness and converts the speaker to a rabid republican, determined to extract NZ from the Commonwealth
- "I'm sorry, I'm a bit deaf, can you repeat that". The question is then repeated in the tone of voice reserved for babies, old people or idiots. This is accompanied by a manner that implies that the speaker thinks that you are a daft old git who should get a hearing aid. This may be true, but it doesn't do wonders for your ego.
At least, I hope that's what he's asking me.
Monday, June 03, 2002
What day is it?
It has become obligatory (at least I think it has become obligatory) to send sharp witty emails about the holiday you're currently on.
Pity about this one then.
I'm a bit too jet lagged to come up with anything witty, and I've discovered they don't like sharp objects on the plane so that's out as well.
So, here I am in sunny New Zealand.
The flight out was fun. I am one of these weird people who regard the long distance flight as one of the highlights of the holiday. A chance to relax,read a book, get fed, read a book, watch a movie, get fed and sleep - heaven for a couch potato like me. If you strike lucky there are also the occasional nice looking cabin attendant. I didn't.
The effects of September 11th were everywhere. I got searched twice (teach me to wear a belt with a large buckle). My cabin luggage got turned inside out. The mobile phones got inspected and the bottom of my shoes were carefully examined. At least when we got on the plane I thought it was over- it wasn't. The flight I was on went via Los Angeles. In times past the plane has stopped for 3-4 hours, you would get off, sit in the transit lounge for several hours and then get back on the plane.
They've now closed the transit lounge
EVERYONE has to get off the plane and clear passport control and pick up all their baggage then check it back in again. This means that we all had to fill out one of these marvellous Immigration forms - the ones that say "Do you intend to sell drugs, commit a criminal act or overthrow the Government YES/NO". Oh, temptation.
I said everyone had to go through passport control. LA is a busy airport. There are a lot of jumbos coming in and out. These planes carry a lot of passengers. All these passengers have to go through passport control. It was 11pm. There wasn't a full complement of passport control officers.
It took me 2 hours 45 minutes to get through passport control.
Then I had to pick up my luggage
Then I had to check it back in
Transit time was 3 hours.
In theory.
I was one of the quick ones.
We left late.
Multiply this by the traffic going through LA and you realise that there is an awful cock up in the making. For a start, LA was NOT as thorough as Heathrow. By the time they'd managed to check all the passengers the staff were looking a bit fed up. I didn't get searched. I couldn't help feeling that their security measures were making the system less secure not more.
Oh well.
We finally took off for NZ. I'd lost track of time by now, but I arrived in Auckland on either Sunday or Monday, at 6:00 am in the morning. It must have been Monday - I took off on Saturday. Now you understand the title of the email. The plane was late arriving, so I had a bit of a wait before getting a connecting flight to Christchurch.
But .. I'm here now. The hotel is basic but pleasant enough. I've done the usual "I'm in the wrong time zone" crash out for 12 hours. Weather OK but cold - didn't pack my hat so feeling it. It's also a bank holiday - somebody's birthday - so the place is a bit quiet.
Still - I've found out where to watch the soccer. I've found out what the England-Sweden score is(I was on the plane whilst the match was being played). I haven't worked out why Beckham left the pitch but maybe tomorrow's paper will tell me.
I'm off to bed.
Pity about this one then.
I'm a bit too jet lagged to come up with anything witty, and I've discovered they don't like sharp objects on the plane so that's out as well.
So, here I am in sunny New Zealand.
The flight out was fun. I am one of these weird people who regard the long distance flight as one of the highlights of the holiday. A chance to relax,read a book, get fed, read a book, watch a movie, get fed and sleep - heaven for a couch potato like me. If you strike lucky there are also the occasional nice looking cabin attendant. I didn't.
The effects of September 11th were everywhere. I got searched twice (teach me to wear a belt with a large buckle). My cabin luggage got turned inside out. The mobile phones got inspected and the bottom of my shoes were carefully examined. At least when we got on the plane I thought it was over- it wasn't. The flight I was on went via Los Angeles. In times past the plane has stopped for 3-4 hours, you would get off, sit in the transit lounge for several hours and then get back on the plane.
They've now closed the transit lounge
EVERYONE has to get off the plane and clear passport control and pick up all their baggage then check it back in again. This means that we all had to fill out one of these marvellous Immigration forms - the ones that say "Do you intend to sell drugs, commit a criminal act or overthrow the Government YES/NO". Oh, temptation.
I said everyone had to go through passport control. LA is a busy airport. There are a lot of jumbos coming in and out. These planes carry a lot of passengers. All these passengers have to go through passport control. It was 11pm. There wasn't a full complement of passport control officers.
It took me 2 hours 45 minutes to get through passport control.
Then I had to pick up my luggage
Then I had to check it back in
Transit time was 3 hours.
In theory.
I was one of the quick ones.
We left late.
Multiply this by the traffic going through LA and you realise that there is an awful cock up in the making. For a start, LA was NOT as thorough as Heathrow. By the time they'd managed to check all the passengers the staff were looking a bit fed up. I didn't get searched. I couldn't help feeling that their security measures were making the system less secure not more.
Oh well.
We finally took off for NZ. I'd lost track of time by now, but I arrived in Auckland on either Sunday or Monday, at 6:00 am in the morning. It must have been Monday - I took off on Saturday. Now you understand the title of the email. The plane was late arriving, so I had a bit of a wait before getting a connecting flight to Christchurch.
But .. I'm here now. The hotel is basic but pleasant enough. I've done the usual "I'm in the wrong time zone" crash out for 12 hours. Weather OK but cold - didn't pack my hat so feeling it. It's also a bank holiday - somebody's birthday - so the place is a bit quiet.
Still - I've found out where to watch the soccer. I've found out what the England-Sweden score is(I was on the plane whilst the match was being played). I haven't worked out why Beckham left the pitch but maybe tomorrow's paper will tell me.
I'm off to bed.
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