Is this the way to Birmingham?

My family are noted for their sobriety and abstemiousness

The recent office party was no exception, and I'm proud to have upheld the reputation of the family.

The plan was that we would take the afternoon of Friday the 22nd off and start our Christmas celebrations. We had chosen the Bull, mainly because they sell bottles of wine for a fiver

I arrived at the Bull early, so had a cider to start with, together with a rather interesting Steak and Ale pie. It wasn't so much the pie that was interesting, more the gravy, which was the consistency of custard and had a skin on it that a rhinocerous would be jealous of.

But I ate it.

Eventually the others arrived, and we ordered our wine. The wine turned out to worth every penny of the £5 that we'd spent, and Tammy was grateful when the Sales Director turned up and bought us another (better) bottle. In a chivalrous mood, I finished off the first bottle so that Tammy could have the good stuff.

1 bottle down

Tammy was going a bit slow on the second bottle, so I helped her out. It was a bit hot in the pub, so I was drinking faster than she was.

1 and a half bottles down.

By this time everyone had arrived, we put our money into the kitty and this then turned into a number of bottles of wine (amongst other things). We moved on to the pool table, played a few games, and every so often someone would replenish my glass.

By the time we left the pub I was probably 2 and a half bottles full

We made our way to the Merchants pub, where I had my usual pint of Stowford Press Cider (6% proof). At 8.00pm I realised I had to catch my train, downed the rest of the pint and made my way (staggered?) to the station.

2 and a half bottles plus a pint of cider full

Now. I remember catching the train. A bit of detective work proves that I caught the train. The 8.20 train. To Birmingham.

I woke up at 11.00 in Northampton.

There are some of you that don't know what this means. Central trains runs a shuttle service between Northampton and Birmingham, a journey of about 1 hour 15 minutes, calling at about 9 stations in between, including Rugby.

To arrive at Northampton I must have slept through the 6 station stops to Birmingham, slept through the turn around at Birmingham and slept through the 9 stops back to Northampton.

Wow. The thing is, when I woke up I didn't feel plastered. I was quite capable of planning the return journey (interesting in its own right, given that the last train from Rugby is 10:20). I had a mild headache but that was it.

I must drink wine more often.