I've recently renewed my driving licence. No, I haven't done anything wrong, but the thing is at least 16 years old and is so yellowed and frayed that one scholar mistook it for a lost copy of the dead sea scrolls. Besides which, it has an endorsement on it that ran out years ago so I thought I'd start off with a clean licence ready for the next speeding ticket. The other reason for replacing it is that I'm going to the States soon, and I have been told not to wind the traffic cops up ... handing them a piece of paper that looks like it's been stolen out a museum doesn't strike me as being too tactful.
So, in these days of the Internet it is possible to do the entire thing online, provided you are on the government database. As far as I can tell you're on this if you have a passport or a license, which probably covers most of the population. So much for privacy.... They Know Who You Are.
The first step is to get your number. I now know that my number is 9051 4567 6724* and they have carefully informed me that this is not case sensitive.
Once you have your number you can then get onto the license application page. Give them some details, there is some whirring and clicking and they tell you that they've retrieved your photo, your biometric details and the fact that you were picking your nose in the Birmingham town centre on Monday at 6 pm. So that's alright then.
And that's it. All your information is online (including your signature) and no paperwork has to be sent through. Marvellous (or terrifying, depending on your point of view).
A week later I received official notification of my government ID (which is when I learnt it wasn't case sensitive, much to my relief) and my license. I've carefully read the notes and learnt how to use the thing:
Now I need to find a traffic cop to try it out on. Do you think I can get away with a sticker saying 'CIP'?
* Nope. This is not my number. You can give it a go but don't blame me when the cops smash down the front door of your house at 3am.
So, in these days of the Internet it is possible to do the entire thing online, provided you are on the government database. As far as I can tell you're on this if you have a passport or a license, which probably covers most of the population. So much for privacy.... They Know Who You Are.
The first step is to get your number. I now know that my number is 9051 4567 6724* and they have carefully informed me that this is not case sensitive.
Once you have your number you can then get onto the license application page. Give them some details, there is some whirring and clicking and they tell you that they've retrieved your photo, your biometric details and the fact that you were picking your nose in the Birmingham town centre on Monday at 6 pm. So that's alright then.
And that's it. All your information is online (including your signature) and no paperwork has to be sent through. Marvellous (or terrifying, depending on your point of view).
A week later I received official notification of my government ID (which is when I learnt it wasn't case sensitive, much to my relief) and my license. I've carefully read the notes and learnt how to use the thing:
- For a start I can't put any stickers on it so the 'cops is pigs' one has to go.
- The license is in two parts .. a credit card sized bit of plastic and an A4 bit of paper. Both have to be carried with you. At this point I asked why. Why the bit of plastic? The whole point of me getting this is to get the bit of plastic that can fit nicely into my wallet without having to fold the paper license into a shape an origami expert would be proud of. If the government database is so good why can't they just keep all my endorsements on file and allow it to be looked up?. Oh well. Just hoping the 'merican traffic cops don't want both.
- The plastic license is 'more secure' than the old one. Why is this more secure? Well, it's because the photo is in black and white rather than colour. Yup .. you read it right .. apparently black and white is more secure than colour. Go figure.
- I am entitled to drive a tractor but not a road roller. This is a big disappointment. Many times I've walked down the road and watched the tarmac being spread and thought "I'd like to drive one of those things", and now I find I can't. Sob
- I can drive a car (category B) qualified by information code 01 (eyesight correction). Put this together and it means that I can only drive cars with eyesight correction, which is a bit unfair, because I don't know where to get one of those.
- I can drive a minibus with a trailer up to 750kg (category D), but I can also drive a minibus + trailer category D1+E, information code 119 .. code 119 means 'weight limit does not apply'. So I can only drive the Japanese Sumo Wrestling Team around if I'm in category D1+E (119) mode.
- I am not allowed to drive a tracked vehicle. Dreams of raiding the local Army Depot, stealing a tank and legally driving it the wrong way round the M25 are out. (Note to foreigners .. the M25 is a 'freeway' and is Britains biggest car park).
- The license is sent to you with the plastic bit stuck to the paper bit. You can carefully peel it off but you are left with a sticky wedge on the back of the plastic. This is difficult to get off. Now I know why you're not allowed to put any stickers on the license. It's because they've already got a double sided one there.
Now I need to find a traffic cop to try it out on. Do you think I can get away with a sticker saying 'CIP'?
* Nope. This is not my number. You can give it a go but don't blame me when the cops smash down the front door of your house at 3am.
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